Saturday, September 26, 2009

Some thoughts...

I recently recieved an email from a very good friend with some pretty good questions addressing how I feel now that I have been here a year...I decided to share these questions and answers with you, so enjoy!



Is it worth it?
At times I have to question just how worth it is to be here, to be doing what I’m doing. At the end of the day, I fall asleep knowing that it is worth it and worth so much more. I like to refer to this experience as the beautiful struggle. Everyday you face challenges that will test the strength of your character, your faith in humanity, your views on the world and the people that fill it, and even after all the questions and struggling you do in your mind, you see just how beautiful it is. It’s a beautiful thing to be a part of culture of people that care about the larger and not just the self. I always felt disconnected from the American culture because I was never rich enough or by American standards the most beautiful but here none of that matters. So, yes it’s worth it and I will do all over again if I had to.
Is it still exciting?
Yes and no. It’s crazy to think that this is my life now. I feel like I have taken both feet off American soil finally, no longer trying to balance between the two. Why? There’s no point, if I couldn’t grasp the fact that I’m living here then it will still be difficult for me to be here. Malawi is home for now and I treat it as I would treat life in the states. I go through my routine and do my work, enjoy time with friends and try to stay positive. I’ve learned that regardless of where you go, you will always be you at the end of the day so everything else is just added detail. There so much I want to see and do here that I’m sure moments of excitement will arise, I get excited about my projects, but now things just seem normal.
Yes, I have thoughts of is this really worth it but that thought is always followed by my own personal philosophy of helping just one is just as important as helping many. I may not be able to see the most tangible outcomes but the small things really do make a difference to me and it allows for me to feel that my work truly is meaningful.
My best moment…
there are far too many. I feel like everyday has a best moment tucked in it somewhere. My worst moment will definetley have to be the feeling that I have let my students, teachers, and school down by not continuing to teach next year. So as with everything, the good comes with the bad and you just have to roll with it.
There is a large possibility that I will extend. After being here a year I feel like I just got a grasp on things and now I want to experience the 2 years with the grasp that I have. It is part of the reason why I decided not to teach, I can focus on the gender development and not feel like in a year I wasn’t able to accomplish much. Now, in case I can’t extend I can see if it’s something that I do truly feel passionate about or something that is just a passing phase.
The only thing I would change about what I’m doing is, I don’t want to do this in the scope of being a volunteer. I want to make a career out of this and this volunteering thing is just a temporary fix to that. I don’t feel limited by it I just wish it could be more permanent.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Making moves...

In just a couple short weeks I will have been off the U.S soil for a year! Can you believe that a whole year has passed? I’m amazed, I can look back and be happy for all those times I wanted to throw in the towel and didn’t, I have really become a firm believer that you can do whatever you set your mind to as long as your willing to work for it. I figured I would use this email to share non-project related thoughts.
So here it goes…
A year…a year...wow, it’s been a year. After a year I should surely have more thoughts on life here or life in general. Before I came I was posed this question several times, this question being what I thought my purpose for coming to the Peace Corps, to Africa, was. At the time I couldn’t really answer and still couldn’t answer months into my service and even now still not sure I can, but I’ll try to explain more on where I think I’m heading, as always life can never be planned but too many things seem to pull me in this direction so maybe instead of going against it, I should just go with it.
It is not a hidden fact that I have been raised by a strong, beautiful, intelligent, hardworking, supportive, and understanding mother. Sometimes I think I may be crazy for being in such awe of my mother but she is amazing and for many years has not gotten the recognition she deserves. Growing up, I not only had my mother but a band of other strong, beautiful, intelligent and independent women guiding, supporting, loving me. These women in conjunction with my mother have shown me that I can do anything. I look at my girl friends, every single one of them has their own story, their own trials and tribulations, I’m in awe every time I see one of them reach down inside of themselves and pull out the strength that is needed to get through difficult situations. I see beautiful, young women fighting to find their place in this crazy, crowded place. I’m proud of them for not taking the easy road but challenging what society expects of them and continuing to work towards reaching their goals. Every single one of my girl friends has talents and skills and something that only she can share with the world. Just as all the women who have and continue to raise me have imparted knowledge on me, my friends have as well. I have learned a lot about life and myself through all these different relationships and what one has to offer is different from the next as we all have unique gifts to give. (Sorry if it seems like I’m rambling.) I have truly been blessed in the fact I have been surrounded by strong women because it allows for me to be a strong woman as well. I’m sure my point is in here somewhere…
A few weeks ago at school I was entering my form1 classroom and there was a knock at the door behind me. It was Cedric, the headboy, he had come to collect all the students who haven’t helped clean up around the school. As the students filed out, I began looking around the room and what did I see? More girls than boys. Now, I get on my students about gender equality when assigning chores. It’s coming along kamana kamana (slowly). Anyway, I was shocked but pleased and saddened at the same time. First, this is the first time that I ever taught a class here that was a majority of girls. I can say I had an aha! moment as my mind was doing cartwheels and flips because for once my girls are able to learn uninterrupted. For once, my girls are able to learn and not have to be worried about having to do some various chore. My girls could learn. Since becoming the “mother” of two girls and seeing all they do here, I have only gained a deeper respect for all my girls because damn! they do a lot of work on top of school, the odds are not in their favor but they find the strength from deep down inside to keep it moving. So as I was looking out on to the sea of girls’ faces and in between the “hell yeah this is awesome!” thoughts clicked. Perhaps my purpose is to encourage and lift up girls/women who are marginalized by society and provide them with the encouragement, tools and knowledge to reach whatever their goals are. I have been blessed and privileged to grow up and be surrounded by a group of strong women and now it is my responsibility to pass that along.
I have always been drawn to sharing my knowledge and skills with groups of women who are working hard at achieving their goals. From the women’s GED class I taught for in Nashville to my girls club in Malawi, I have always been in a position to pass on what I have learned from all the strong women in my life, the message of “you can do it.” Yes, this message has more weight than ever before, all the times I have been told I can do it, has made me want to do it, and do it; now its time for me to pass that same message along. The power of encouraging one another is amazing. Yes, I had to do all the work myself but knowing that there were several somebodys out there that believed in me and told me I could do it, made me work hard to do it.
You never know exactly where life will lead you, I’m okay with the idea that things can change and if they do, so be it. It took coming to Malawi, standing in front of a group of girls in a dilapidated class for me to realize how grateful and lucky I am for all the women who have encouraged and continue to encourage me. If you are a woman and receiving this email, thank you. I am me, without you I could not be. Africa, Malawi, has done wonders for my mind, body, and soul and will forever be grateful for this experience and someone believing in me enough to allow me to do this.
I hope this made sense, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to express my thoughts completely, show me a person who can, but hopefully this gives you a better glimpse into the mind of me after 1 year in Malawi.

As always there is more….
I couldn’t just leave you hanging on the other happenings in my life. Projects, projects, projects! Oh my! Things are moving along smoothly. The Girls Leadership Academy has been given a facelift. After thinking about the purpose and what this experience is really suppose to be, I realized the name is not exactly what the program entitles. What’s in a name really? The Girls Leadership Academy is now known as Women2Women. The reason for the name change is because it’s not necessarily a place where girls are coming to learn leadership skills, I hope they do pick some up along the way, but it more about creating a space that invokes dialogue between the women involved. There are two aspects of this program-the girls and the mentors. Yes, another aspect has been added. After thinking some, I realized that I can run this program, teach all the girls skills, but there needs to be some on going support that I know I can not necessarily provide. The mentor program is an educational activity for women who have been identified by the volunteers from each village involved as women who are leaders and have the ability to continue the dialogue with girls involved along with educate others in their communities. These women will become gender development extension workers and will learn most of the same topics the girls are learning but to add on more about gender equality, what to do in certain situations(rape, domestic violence etc..) basically, just how they can be better role models and support systems for the girls in their villages. My sitemates-Natalie, Megan, and Melanie are all on board and providing me with support and serving as community liasions which I appreciate and grateful for because I can’t be in all places at once and just can’t do it alone. Melanie will be heading up the mentor program as I’m overseeing the girls program. We are hoping to have this be a test run and then continue with future workshops in each village and villages of other volunteers in the area. As of now, I’m just plugging away at finding funding and donations. October will be the sink or swim time as I’m juggling taking the GRE, being a resource volunteer for the new education group coming in(spend a week in training, letting them know they will survive and the chim is not that bad…hahaha) and in between there preparing my students for their national exams. The GRE is not as big of a priority as it should be, but I look at it as my students obtaining their MSCE which can have a huge impact on their future in terms of finding employment and continuing education, a much bigger impact than me obtaining a 2nd degree. I have options; they don’t at the moment but with their MCSE will have more. Camp Sky is coming along, after Women2Women , I’ll be in Lilongwe busy preparing for that and making sure things are in order. We have a site secured which is great and got a good rate for it seeing as finding funding is a bit hard being rough times and the strict guidelines and us just not fitting them. Life is busy…December is looking like a good monthJ Eunice is getting married! In December to her fiancĂ© of 2 years. I’m quite excited and plan on being at the wedding. I asked her is she was happy about the decision or excited, she said she doesn’t know because she doesn’t know what it’s like to be married, she’ll tell me once it happens…haha. This means that she will eventually be moving from Kasitu which sucks for me but I can always visit her wherever she goes. I’m happy for her nonetheless. School is coming along, due to the grants and having to meet with higher ups in Lilongwe I have missed a couple more days than I want to but my fellow teachers are great and have been taking my lesson notes and teaching for me when I’m absent. I always check with my students to make sure they were taught, my teachers I think like to do it because they like the lesson notes that are being left for them(pretty much detailed down to the words they should say hahaha can’t come back to confusion). Martha and Chisomo are good. They are progressing in their English skills and I’m progressing in my Chitonga. We’re pretty n’sync when it comes to household things. We’re a team, they’re not my maids, when they have afternoon studies I take care of the washing of dishes and getting water. I clean my room and wash my clothes, I just don’t cook…haha, hey I have to draw the line somewhere…ok you know I can’t cook. Overall, life is progressing by quickly, to quickly for me some days. I can’t believe I made it a year and you have survived a year without me in your presence…I know it was hard for you, but its all worth it J
I’m going to quit rambling just wanted to get it all out while I can remember and ask any questions you have.

Xoxoxo Court